My Yuki
by AthenAltena
Summary: Toya's thoughts to Yuki. Shonenai.


Author's Notes: I wish I could say where the inspiration for this piece came from, but I really can't. I woke up one morning and felt compelled to write this on my (well, my father's) laptop as I watched the news on Saturday morning.  
  
I can't say this comes from personal experience, for several reasons including a) I'm a girl b) I happen to be a lesbian c) I'm only in my mid teens so I haven't had any experiences like this (much to my parent's relief). If anything, this probably comes from the fact that I am very good at seeing through the eyes of people who I generally have little in common with. In this case, I am speaking as a young gay man, or perhaps he is speaking through me.  
  
This piece is told as Toya speaking to Yuki, and yes, there is Shonen-ai. I don't own CCS, and this piece is partly in rebellion to the American dubbers who completely cut out the Toya/Yuki romance from the American Cardcaptors series. I also write this in hopes that current events in my state and around the country will be resolved so that people who, like Toya and Yuki, truly love each other will be able to have their love legally recognized.  
  
~AA  
  
My Yuki  
  
When I wake up in the morning, I do it slowly. First I become aware of the heat around me and anything that is touching my skin, and everything else follows after in no particular order.  
  
This morning I was very aware that I was in a state of extreme comfort, and that I felt very safe and protected.  
  
I opened my eyes slowly, letting them focus in the dim light. I could see the red glow of my alarm clock, and 3 numbers slowly came into focus.  
  
4:08 am. I sighed and closed my eyes again. Then I became aware that someone else was here with me, and then I realized that someone was you.  
  
My eyes focused on your shoulder in front of me, and then the back of your head and your silky grey-blond hair. I blinked and became aware that my hands were wrapped around your waist, and that I was holding you to my chest almost protectively.  
  
I blinked slowly and saw through my window that around a foot of snow covered the ground outside. I smiled. Outside there was Miyuki, deep snow. But inside I had you, My Yuki, and I wouldn't trade you for the world.  
  
I could feel your heartbeat against my chest and I could feel your body expanding and then contracting as your breathed in and out. You were still fast asleep in some wonderful dream.  
  
I selfishly hoped that I had a place in it. I know you are in mine.  
  
You made a slight groan from the back of your throat, and I felt your turn onto your back, so I could finally see your face. I never let go of you for a second. You looked peaceful, your hair tousled from sleep and your mouth open slightly. Your chest moved up and down slowly, and it entranced me.  
  
I watched you sleep for a long time; I'm not sure how long. You then made that slight groan again and turned on your right side, so you were facing me. For some reason this made you look even more beautiful than I knew you already were.  
  
Okay, I'm a pervert. So sue me.  
  
Your chest was pressed against mine, and I could feel your heart beating next to my own. I couldn't take my eyes off you. I know you probably don't think you are, but you're the most beautiful person I've ever known.  
  
I couldn't take my eyes off of your mouth, and I genuinely tried. My heart beat faster, and despite all of my efforts I couldn't stop my own lips from making contact with yours. I felt you tense up for a fraction of a second, but then you relaxed and returned it. We stayed like that for several seconds until I pulled away.  
  
You opened your right eye first, followed a second later by your left. Your big brown eyes were still unfocused from sleep, but I could tell when you focused fully on my face. You actually look better without your glasses, your eyes look clearer and even more beautiful.  
  
I smiled slightly. "Good morning."  
  
Your eyes fluttered for a second before they closed again. "Toya..."  
  
You placed your arms around me as well, my heart fluttered in my chest at the feel of your hands. You placed your head on my shoulder and sighed.  
  
"Toya..."  
  
"Yes Yuki?"  
  
"What... what time is it?"  
  
I smiled and looked over you at my clock. "5:21 am." I said.  
  
You sighed. "Toya, can we go back to sleep?"  
  
I nodded. "Of course. I'll see you in the morning."  
  
You nodded. "See you..."  
  
You fell asleep right there, and I felt every muscle in your body relax. I held you in my arms and felt happier than I can ever remember as I felt your body next to mine.  
  
I felt myself falling asleep too, but even as my body began to slow down my mind was still racing. I looked at your sleeping face and thought about many things, some of which I don't even remember. Mostly it was about you. How I felt the first time you held my hand, the first time I saw you smile, and the fear that I had felt when I was afraid I might lose you. I had never before understood why my heart had felt so light every time I saw you, or why I had felt daggers of ice pierce my chest when I was afraid for you. I realized now that it was because I loved, and still love you.  
  
What is love? I pondered this as my eyes closed slowly. I smiled. No one can answer this, so how can anyone say that it is wrong to love someone? My love for you is not in any way less than what my father felt for my mother, or how Sakura feels about that Shaoron boy. I would have loved you, Yuki, if you were seven feet tall and had green hair. What I fell in love with was your soul, the purest part of you. And even if I can't define love, I still know it when I feel it.  
  
I ran my hand down the side of your face. I leaned forward and whispered in your ear.  
  
"Yuki, you'll never know just how much I love you."  
  
I closed my eyes and felt myself falling into the darkness that was my dreams. Before I left completely I thought I heard you say, "Maybe, but the same goes for you."  
  
My Yuki. My love. My soul mate.  
  
End 


End file.
